Although his family did not go to the extreme of leaving him in the toilet, i just felt that there was so much more i could have done for my ah gong when he was alive... When i watched the show and saw the old lady using the walking stick, an image of my ah gong walking wobbly with his walking stick and falling down on the steps kept replaying in my mind...
My ah gong used to wake up super early every morning, climb the stairs from our house on the 7th floor to my ah ma's house on the 3rd floor... He's been doing that since i could ever remember... It was like a daily routine to him... When he got older and older, he needed a walking stick to aid him in his walking... many a times, our neighbour on the 6th floor would knock on our door early in the morning coz my grandpa had fallen down on the steps...i don't remember if i've seen him fall.... i guess i must have coz i can't get that image out of my head... that image of him sitting on the floor, having difficulty getting up, with people around him trying to help him up just breaks my heart... in my mental image, he was smiling when they tried to help him up... it was a smile of embaressment rather than his regular "happy go lucky" kind of smile... he was once a big strong man... but towards the end of his life, he became so fragile n quivered even while trying to get up and walk....
i remember how he was like when he was reaching the end of his life... his memory was quite bad... sometimes he remembers us and sometimes he dosen't... but he never failed to point at the TV when the KFC or Mac Donald's advertisments come on... he loved his junk food... haha...
During his last days in the hospital, he asked for everyone's phone number... he kept it on a piece of paper... i have no idea what for... i guess he knew his time was up and he didn't want to forget us??
Gosh... its been 7 yrs since ah gong left us... i never really thought much about him after his death... its only when i saw how the old lady was in the show that i remembered him... hence i've decided to write this tribute to him... it took me 2 days coz i was trying to find nice pics of US (me and ah gong) together to post... but i couldn't find much... i found a few pics of him carrying me as a baby but none of us together when i grew older... He's been living with me for about 12 yrs before he had to move back to my grandma's house on the 3rd floor... 12 yrs and i couldn't have taken more pics with him?? Why did i not take more pics with him??
No doubt there were many things he did that got me upset with him, like blaming me when he saw my parents arguing when i had nothing to do with it, like when he accidentally broke my mom's bowl and put the blame on me, like scolding me when my sister fell or got her hand stuck in the lift, like kicking a big fuss when i went out to buy food without permission (which resulted in my dad not buying me the watch that i've been bugging him for)... i was upset with him... and i've always felt that he loved Bernice more than me... maybe he did, but the bottomline was, he DID love me and he did care... why couldn't i have just taken the blame for him when he broke the bowl?? why did i get all upset with him when he ate my food... why??
There was so much more i could have done for him and with him when he was around... now he isn't around anymore... All i have left of him is images of him waiting for me at the bus stop after school everyday to bring me home...
Now as i sit here tying this post, trying to control my tears, i just wanna say,
Tua Bui (fatty) Ah Gong... i'm sorry for all the times i was rude to you... and i miss the times that we shared... most importantly, i miss you... please do take care, where ever u are... love you always,
Ah Xuan...
"Maybe I didnt treat you
Quite as good as I should have
Maybe I didnt love you
Quite as often as I could have
Little things I should have said and done
I just never took the time
You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind"
**me and ah gong**
**when i was just a couple of days old**
Treasure your loved ones while they are still here... take as many pictures and store as much memories as you can...
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